I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's blow job season.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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