The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
