apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
