sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
3pm strippers are depressing
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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