To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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