So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
