I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
