i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
