He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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