Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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