Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
