He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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