he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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