I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
