I wanna bring you to show and tell
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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