she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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