I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
