I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
