Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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