so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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