so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
