I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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