I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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