i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
