Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
