You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize