It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She bit a glass in half.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
