you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
