So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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