She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
