I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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