And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
