I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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