My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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