It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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