i think my tv is drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
