Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
