apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
