Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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