This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you win again, gameday.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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