I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
