god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
