yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
