Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
