I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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