I skipped work to stalk him.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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