Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I faked an abortion last night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
