Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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