i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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