i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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