Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
