my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
