need another drink. this is the easiest way
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
