I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
