After last night, I could never be a politician.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize