A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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