wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think my vagina is haunted
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
