Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize