Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
