I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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