I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
