i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize