Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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