He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
