Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize