Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
