roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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