Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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